Mal

Title: Gotta be where my heart says I oughta be
Song: "Don't Change your Plans" by Ben Folds Five
Muse: Mal
Rating PG
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Author's note: I'm basing this off of a rp where the crew of Serenity ends up going back in time somehow and landing at a school on earth where Buffy and her friends are teaching other slayers. Originally I was going to do to ship Mal with Buffy so this is based on if the two of them ended up together.
Word Count: 258

Don’t really know if I see myself livin’ this gorram planet anymore. Fought so hard to try and find a way to get out of her but my crew started to take a liking to this place. Never changed my view until she came along. Well, she was always there just figured she was fong luh. (loopy in the head) Mean the girl thought she was sort of slayer of demons and vampires, well I’ll be damned if that was the truth. Course it just had to be the gorram truth and I made a fool out of myself. Don’t know when it started but I started takin’ a likin’ to the girl.

We didn’t get along at all but I liked that about her, didn’t believe in anything anymore. Well got some sort of faith but sure as hell wasn’t in any religion. Don’t want to leave this planet now, Buffy makes me want to stay though I know I shouldn’t. All of our bickering reminded me of Inara but different, Buffy was well let’s not go into what she was. Other then one Aiya (damn) good woman. Guess you gotta be where your heart says you oughta be, and well that’d be here with Buffy. In often makes no sense at all. My heart used say I oughta be in the sky on board Serenity but now it’s says I oughta be here with Buffy. Don’t really understand these things I feel but I feel them so I’ve gotta be where my heart says I oughta be.

Title: Can't Break This Shell
Song: "Winter in my Heart" by Vast
Muse: Mal
Rating PG
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Word Count: 209

I really didn’t think she was going to leave, told me she was and I couldn’t say anything to stop her. Held my tongue in, practically bite it off to tell you the truth. But she’ll never know that. That’s not something that I’d ever admit to her, don’t matter none anyhow.

I need to hold her but she’s never comin’ back. Least hope she’s not coming back, can just go whoring around like she does with that job of hers. Don’t matter none to me.

I can't get any lower. I can't find all the pieces of my broken life

But I hold together fine somehow, make it seem like I don’t care even if I crack on the inside. No one will know that because of the shell I’ve forced upon myself. Used to be a different sort of fella, one who actually had some sort of faith. But all that left that night in the valley of Serenity. Took my faith and everything away with them, don’t need that stuff anymore. Only need to care bout myself, my crew and my ship. So that’s good that she up and left didn’t need that sort of distractoin what so ever, got enough here with my two fugitives.

Title: Letting you go
Song: Walk This Earth Alone- Lauren Christy
Character: Malcolm Reynolds
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Mal and Inara
Fandom(s): Firefly/Serenity
Author's Note: Mal’s thoughts after Inara tells him that she is leaving in the ep “Heart of Gold"

Learned a long time ago you can’t really count on anyone. Our own side went and left us in the valley of Serenity. Never something I’ll forgot that night, try and push it away but still always there. Lost my faith that night, lost my faith in people. Sure I still hold true to my crew but those are the only people I know got my back. This world is a cruel and dangerous one, all you really are is alone.

Guess that’s why I let Inara up and walk away. Was bout to tell her how I felt but I let her go and tell me what she wanted to say first, which was her wanting to leave. I didn’t say anything though, I just couldn’t. I guess you could say I froze up, even though I walked this earth alone she was always there, she was the fire inside me. Thought for some reason I was letting her walk away. Told her fine and just to leave, didn’t make any difference to me.

But it did.

If I loved her for a day it would blow my world away. Not willing to give into it and give things a chance. She’s a champion after all. Just a really fancy name for a whore, doubt she’d give up her so called respectful life for some low down smuggler runnin’ from the law all the time. She’d need someone more respectable and with money, things I can’t give her. So I’ll let her just up and leave, makes no difference to me. Always have gotten by so this ain’t any different.

Word Count: 271

It was raining as they took off; Mal took one last look out the window before turning and heading out of the cockpit. He traveled down the small steps that lead into the bridge then off o his room. Once inside his room he noticed something lying on his dresser. It was the photo of Inara when she left. He'd replay that photo over and over again, each time feeling what he didn't want to feel. There where lord knows how many miles away and still he couldn't get her out of his mind. She always seemed to complicate things that way. Screwed with his mind that way.

He wanted so badly to give up his act and just give in and call her. But he wasn't that sort of fella to do a thing like that. Mal was stubborn in his ways and wasn't about to change to anyone. Besides all Inara was, was a whore and soon enough as you paid you'd get what you'd want out of her.

Mal just sighed as he placed the photo down. He didn't want her to leave when she did but he told her otherwise. Told her to do so, wasn't his place to tell her not to. And it wasn't like he was going to tell her the truth about his feeling. Almost did get it out though, after they left the Heart of Gold. Nandi started to tell Mal something right before they got shot at. She seemed mad because Mal didn't tell her that inara had the same sort of feelings for him. He wasn't exactly sure what Nandi was talking about but that's why he was going to talk to Inara about it, but she also had something to say. That was when she told him that she was leaving Serenity. He didn't find it fit to tell her what he wanted after he heard that. So he didn't, he just let her leave and now he was sitting alone in his room wishing that he could somehow get a hold of her and change what can't be changed.

Word Count: 352

Somethin’ just ain’t right here. The girls crazy only she’s not. Hate to say it but her plan was pretty damn good, even had Simon in a bit of a bind, he went and got himself shot. May have gotten ugly if he would’ve actually ran off with River. She may be a mess and a bit unpredictable at times but that doesn’t mean she isn’t part of my crew, which means I ain’t giving her up that easily.

The plan worked and now we could continue on our way. Don’t think we’ll ever be seeing good old Early again. He had no right comin’ into my ship like that in the first place.

We were set off to make another run, pick up some cargo and bring it back to the client. I wonder if Inara will actually get off at this place. I tired my best to keep her here, it’s gotten to the point where I’m not caring anymore. Stupid whore can leave for all I care. So I did care, at least at first I did but hey grown woman, can make her own choices. She doesn’t have a hard time picking who she’s whoring around with so what makes this any different.

We still had a few hours before reaching our destination and I was feeling mighty bit hungry at the moment.

I make my way out of my room and towards the kitchen. Doubt anyone else will be around at this time, though you never know but pretty damn sure they all went to bed for the night. As I get closer towards the kitchen I hear some sounds comin’ from inside. Reckon who it may be.

As I head inside I look at who it is “Well now, didn’t see myself running into you at this time.”

She wanted to leave, fine let her leave. It didn’t matter to me, not that it should. She was just a companion, real nice name for whore. So maybe there was something there, almost got it out to. Thought we were at that moment after we left the Heart of Gold.

Nandi was starting to say something before we got fired at. She sounded like she was mad because I didn’t tell her that Inara had the same feelings? I’m still not sure what she’s talking about. Yea, got the main idea which I was going to approach. Told her I had something to talk to her about but so did she. Figured it was going to be the same thing but then she told me….told me that she was leaving Serenity.

She still didn’t tell the others, she needed to do that but I could tell she was scared. Truth be told I don’t think she really wants to leave.

I made my way over to her shuttle, just as I’ve done so many times before. I just barged right in as always “Don’t you think that time is coming soon?” She would know what I meant by that; her telling the others of her leave.